We're cool cats, and we like to stay warm. Fully kitted out, we may not appear fetching, but we don't dress to kill, we dress to survive. Wrong kit equals awful catastrophe.

Over our historical Polar predecessors and their excrutiating tales, we have the upper hand. Tweed plus-fours and sensible  walking shoes have been confined to the mothballs of time. In their place we can look to the wonders of modern synthetic fabrics and of course all the benefits of the accumulated wisdom of twentieth century Polar travellers. Pity then those hardy Polar heros past who knew not the joys of Pertex. The Pertex wizards are recognised as top cats in their fields for designing a product that can meet all the rigorous demands of Polar travel. Placing our bodies in their hands, so to speak, we know we can rely on Pertex for:

(a) retaining body warmth

Two layers of a pile/Pertex combination are efficient when on the move in temperatures of - 75 and lower. Pertex fulfills the adage of 'less is more'. A simple formula being to trap warm air between your layers. A layer of insulation, to keep the main core of the body warm and the extremeties, hands, feet etc, are less likely to suffer.

(b) wycking

The ability to simultaneously allow the body to breathe and therefore perspire whilst also letting any resultant moisture escape. This prevents layers from becoming damp and in so doing so lose its thermal properties and eventually freeze - on you.

The tailoring for the Pertex is in the skilled hands of Rab, again specialists in this particular department. This company have got it stitched when it comes to a very specific brief. Attention to detail is paramount. Take for instance the zips. They must be correctly positioned, of suitable length and easily accessible with long hoops added for easy grabbing. In particular the crucial 180 degree crotch zip. One does not want to freeze one's assets in coming unstuck over a stuck zip in wind chill temperatures of - 40 C.

So Rab make up the main part part of our walk-out wardrobe and our fine morning couture. Not that it takes any less time to prepare of the morning to meet the icy world outside our tent that any fashion girls might take before embarking on Sloane Street. These our our layers:

Inner layer - double layers of vapourised thin pile undershirt and trousers (no undies)

Second layer - pile and pertex combination sallopettes with zips the length of both legs and the crotch

Outer layer - thick pile pertex jacket with variety of zips, large front pouch and fur trimmed hood.

Further optional outer layers - the windprood all in one suit with two body-length zips to prevent the boil in the bag effect. This is effective against driving Antarctic winds.

Second optional outer layer - thinck Rab down jacket, the ultimate luxury for warmth when outdoors but not on the march.

Strapping lasses

Finally, over the ultimate outer layer goes our rather dashing Madonna style red and black pulk harness which also doubles up as a safety harness. It makes an excellent accessory frame from which we dangle such essentials as safety whistles, karabinas etc.

Marching on Mars

A black leather holder for your Mars Bar slung casually around the neck ready to grab attack - quite simply a must for every Polar Girl this season.

We have no cold feet about lacing up in our Norwegian Alfa boots, which fit onto quarter inch thick rubber soles. The designer, Saurmorber, has himself Polar experience - he knows about cold toes. His secret to his boots lie in the lining of thick boiled wool. Itchy, but these inserts are worn together and are the equivalent of three layers of socks, plus a vapour barrier liner, all of which are removed and hung up to dry in the tent each night ready for us to put our best foot forward the next morning.

Around the rim of the boots' soles are glued bright orange gaiters giving one the appearance of a sewage worker. These are made by our very own in-house seamstress and friend Judes.

A handful of gloves

Complicated - on account of needing to remove to perform tasks requiring basic dexterity e.g. tent erecting, filming etc. An inner layer of Helly Hansen gloves offer basic protection as one must never expose skin. Likewise Mountain Hardwear polyester power stretch gloves can be worn over these. Again over this layer there is another favourite created by Judes - bespoke long black wristlets, this time with the appearance of a hard up debutante.

Over these can be worn gortex wind proof gloves. The latter can be exchanged in more testing conditions for Mountain Hardware outer gloves - one's dexterity if limited but in these one if guaranteed warmth and they get the full thumbs up.

Red necks

Helly Hansen neck gaiters - jolly red - one or even two can be worn, keeping the neck warm and can be pulled up over the colour coordinated nose and chin.

Head cases

The fur trimmed hood on the Rab jacket is an art form. It should be big enough to create the fur its own micro climate around your face. Beneath it a Mountain Hard Wear windstop hat is worn.

Facing up to the elements

Knotty optional system, but basically a Helly Hansen balaclava or Neotrene face mask and Cebe goggles. Once again a huge special is our home-made nose beak, rather resembling an airline face patches but it works and is not to be sniffed at. This combination must somehow be made to work by each individual to prevent icing up of the goggles whilst protecting all the facial skin.

Evening wear

Once in the tent we change for dinner of course. Options are a slinky Helly Hansen matching black top and bottom or a Marks & Spencer black lace trimmed thermal top and leggings.

Chain reaction

We all allow ourselves a little luxury which we keep on gold chains around our necks. In common we all have uncommonly beautiful gold pendants - replicas of Spanish jewellery, given to us by Pom as our Christmas presents. So too were we given each by Ann a St. Christopher of England. Prior to the expedition, Caroline gave us for good luck a miniture pin-on penguin which we all wear on our persons. Personal items: Pom wears a inscribed ring given to her by her mother. Zoe wears a silver ring. Ann wears a necklace with an inscription on the back of 'she doth teach the torches to burn brightly'. Rosie wears a treasured gaelic cross given to her by her husband William, a little miniature gold elepphant and some worry beads that have not been overly worried.

Caroline keeps hers close to her chect. Her lucky adornment is her Polar bra. This well travelled item, now not so Polar white, visited the North Pole in 1997 and is now well on its way south - twin peaks in view.

So for all you closet Polar dreamers that's about the size of it for the Kit Cat collection and as it takes nigh on fifty minutes to get dressed, I think it's time to call it a wrap.

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